Section from "I Fall Into Love"

Spring break was upon me and my friends and the ocean was calling our names. Our trip started off like many do. Bethany and I met Jeff and Erick, two of our friends from school at Erick's house. We all packed up our stuff into Erick's car and headed off to the coast. After a long drive in a cramped car we finally arrived at our hotel and went straight to our room. We were hanging out a bit and Bethany and Jeff were in one bed just chilling when I claimed that I was going to sleep. Erick stated that he was tired as well, and so Erick and I ended up in the other bed.
In the morning none of us wanted to get up so we all decided to sleep in a bit. Erick and I were facing each other and began to cuddle a bit. Which for our company of friends was not really too unusual, but when you are half awake and alone in a bed, even though your best friends are in the bed next to yours, it isn't the best idea. We were cuddling and then he began to stroke my arm so I put my other arm across him and placed my head on his shoulder. I remember being inches way from his face and thinking about how wonderful it felt to be held in someone's arms as I was sleeping. How great it would be if he kissed me. Slowly I felt our faces get closer until my nose was resting on his cheek. I could barely breath. We lay that way for a few minutes and then as I began to think that nothing was going to happen and then lightly and softly his lips met mine. I could not control my heart. There was no way to hide how the kiss had made me feel as my heart rate excelled to a million beats a minute. It was the best kiss I had ever received. Then his lips found mine again. And again. And again. Each kiss lingered a little longer and filled my heart with more warmth. Slowly the kisses faded and we went back to cuddling and then to sleeping and then slowly to our backs facing each other. That morning I was at a loss for words. What was happening? I had no feelings for Erick coming into the trip. I had not considered him at all in that way. Now my heart was soaring. I had never in my life been kissed like the way he had kissed me only an hour or so ago.
As soon as we were all up and getting ready I called my best friend Shari. I was disappointed when I got her answering machine. "You have to call me back as soon as possible. Erick kissed me. It is a long story.. I don't know what happened. Call me back as soon as you get this!" I threw my head back against the wall as I hung up. What was I doing? He was two years younger than me. I wanted my next kiss to be for the man I would marry. Who was I? letting out a giant sigh I knew I had to head back to the room.
Reentering our hotel room I grabbed my clothing bag and took Bethany into the bathroom with me. "We were looking in the mirror at each other and I whispered "Erick kissed me." She looked at me with shocked eyes. "What!?"
"I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out." I confessed. "Ok. What should I wear, the one piece for the two piece?"
"The one piece for sure."
"Ok."
We then went back into the main room and tried to make plans as to what to do for the day. The boys decided that they needed to get some homework done and so Bethany and I spent the day at the pool.
Well once we got settled on white poolside lounge chairs my phone began to ring. I looked to see the caller id flashing Shari's name. Thank God she was returning my call!
"What happened?"
"I don't know. This so isn't me. I'm not even sure what happened."
"Well explained it."
I began speaking at a rapid pace. "Well we slept in the same bed last night… It kind of just happened. I know, it was really stupid, but anyway. Everything was fine. Nothing actually happened last night. It was this morning. We all woke up to the alarm and decided to go back to sleep and we were kind of cuddling and our faces got closer and all of the sudden he was kissing me. I don't know what to do!"
"Do you like him?"
"I don't know. I never thought of him like that before."
"Is he cute?"
"I don't know. I guess. Kind of? I don't know… I don't know how I feel!" I brushed my hair out of my face and plopped down against the back of lounge.
"Do you know how he feels?"
"No. I haven't even talked to him about it. I mean what would I say?"
"I don't know Nikki."
"I'm not even sure how this happened. Do I like him? Could there be something there? I don't know. UGH! I just feel so awkward. Bethany and I are at the pool right now and the guys are upstairs in the hotel room." I let out a loaded sigh, " I never expected this to happen."
"Bethany's there? Tell her hi."
I adjusted the phone and looked over at Bethany. "Shari says hi"
"Awe tell her hi."
I talked back into the phone again, "Bethany says hi back. Ok so what am I going to do?"
"I don't know. Would you date him?"
"I don't know. I don't have feelings for him."
"Could it develop though?"
"Maybe. I guess if he wanted to try I would be open to dating, but I just don't know. I am so confused. I feel like a complete idiot."
"He kissed you…right?"
"Yeah.
"Then it wasn't your fault."
"Well I didn't exactly push him away. I actually kind of tried to pretend I was asleep, but the galloping pace of my heart beat probably betrayed that. Anyways, enough! How are you?'
"Good…" Shari then went on to tell me about a guy she was sort of seeing and then after another thirty minutes we ended our conversation. I put my phone back in my bag and let out a monumentous sigh.
"Bethany what am I going to do?"
"Just breathe honey."
"I feel like I just made things so awkward. I do not want this to ruin the trip. Oh man."
"Give it some time. Talk to him later."
"What am I going to say?"
"Just tell him what you're thinking."
"I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't even know how I feel! Do you think he's talking to Jeff about all this right now?"
"Maybe."
"Do guys do that? It's hot out here."
"Want to go in the pool for a bit?"
"Yeah."
We cooled off for a while in the pool and then dried off in the sun again before returning to our hotel room to change. Then we barrowed Erick's car and went out to lunch at Subway. Unfortunately not talking to Erick about what had happened made me lose my appetite.
"You have to eat." Bethany chided me. So I got half of a sandwich. I ate it, but my stomach still felt weird. I was nervous. Maybe anxious is a better word. The food just went down. I don't remember tasting a single bite. All I wanted was to get away from this moment in my life. I wanted to be anywhere but here.
Once we were done eating we decided to go on a drive to see some of the sites, and called the boys to see if they would want to go. Only Jeff was up for the trip so we picked him up.
We passed buildings and beautiful houses, but I couldn't stop thinking over and over again in my head that Erick and I really needed to talk. I looked at the perfect houses and neighborhoods of this worry free town, but I still felt nervous and sick. On our way back Bethany stated that she still needed to pick up a notebook for her journal she needed to write for class.
"Great idea. I need one too." Jeff piped in.
"I think I am getting a head ache," I lied, "Do you think you can drop me off at the hotel before you go?"
"Sure." Bethany gave me a knowing look.
As soon as I was dropped off at the front of the hotel I made the anxious journey to the hotel room. It seemed like the elevator took forever to arrive and then even longer as it carried me to our floor. That left me with too much time to think and freak out. What was I going to say? Was this even a good idea? What if he already left the room to go somewhere and wasn't there? Finally I arrived on the third floor and trying to gain my own composure walked the long hallway to room 310. All too soon I reached our door, and taking a deep breath I swiped the key and let myself in.
There he was sitting on the closest bed with his computer on his lap. The same bed that had been the cause of our early morning kiss that now left me completely in a world of confusion.
I set down my purse and nervously went to were my blanket and pillow lay on the bed and sat down. "Hey."
"Hey. Where are Bethany and Jeff?'
"They went to get notebooks for class."
'Oh." Then all was silent for what seemed like forever. What should I say next? How do you start a conversation like this? I could start by saying…
"SO… I think we should talk." Did I really just say that out loud?
"I wondered about that."
I guess I just said something after all.
"Yeah," I made a nervous laugh. What did I say? I was so incredibly uncomfortable and suddenly felt like I was shrinking into a tiny eight year old who was too sacred to talk to boys.
"So."
Ok so now it is my turn. Why am I making such a big deal about this? Just keep going! "So … about this morning."
"Yeah I wasn't sure if that happened or if I was dreaming."
"It definitely wasn't a dream."
"Hmm"
"Yep." What was I supposed to say next? Who was this girl? Why couldn't I face things head on? Come on Nicole, you are being so awkward right now. Just say something already! "So did you tell Jeff?" Why did I just ask that!?!
"Yeah while you were in the bathroom with Bethany."
"That's funny I was telling Bethany what had happened." Ok not too bad. So far our best friends knew.
"I thought that might have been what was going on. I told Jeff that I wasn't sure what had happened, but that I thought it probably wasn't a dream." Ok and now I know he definitely isn't interested.
"It would probably be best if we didn't tell anyone else."
"It isn't anyone else business. I agree. There is no reason for anyone else to know."
"Could you imagine what might happen if everyone found out about this? It would cause drama and we don't need that."
"I agree, and like I said it isn't any of their business."
"SO…"
"so."
"I'm not sure what to say. I don't want things to be awkward between us."
"Me either. There is not need for things to be weird." Still I feel awkward. I am such a slut! I don't do this kind of thing!
"It's just kind of a big deal for me. You're only the third person I have ever kissed, and the last guy I kissed I went out with for about two years and that was a year and a half ago." Nicole stop! Why are you spilling your guts to this guy!? OMG word vomit big time!!!!!
"Ok… Wow. "
I began to freak out. I was doing it again. I was being that girl who said too much and pushed guys away. I was freaking out. Ok I had to say something before I completely pushed him away. "I guess I just thought you should know where I was coming from."
"Don't worry about it. "
"Ok. We can be friends then?"
"Yeah." He seemed so nonchalant and at the same time had this sort of dorky nervousness about him that was surprisingly adorable.
"Cool." There was a long pause. Then I had another moment of over sharing. "It was the best kiss I have ever had by the way."
"Uh…Thanks."
We both laughed a bit nervously and then went onto some more home work while we waited for our friends to return. For the first time I actually took a moment to look at Erick. I suddenly felt disappointment that this was all. That was that. I suddenly wanted to know if maybe there could be more there. My thoughts were interrupted by Bethany and Jeff's return from the store. Saved by the best friends…