So it is still snowing like crazy. As someone today said it was practically a blizzard outside this afternoon.
I like the fact that we finally have received our steady snowfall for the winter and just as one year is ending and another is beginning. It is like receiving a fresh new year.
I could take this time to state all of my new years resolutions or think back on all the things that happened this past year, but I honestly don't see a need to right now. I had a hard, but wonderful year, and I plan to continue in the changes I am already making now. So there is nothing left to say.
I guess there is one more thing to day....
GOODBYE 2009!
I'm gonna go bring in the new year now!
31 December 2009
29 December 2009
A Blanket of White
SNOW!
It is amazing how a blanket of white can provide so much. It makes the morning you wake up to it serene, peaceful, and in a way new.
Although the snow began yesterday while I was at work, it still had this effect on me when I awoke this morning. It felt like all the crazy worries of life had disappeared for a moment. Like everything was simply still and fresh.
It made me think, Christmas is gone and the New Year is right around the corner. Everything is starting anew. Holiday craziness is gone and a fresh start is coming.
Life is just better with a fresh snowfall!
It is amazing how a blanket of white can provide so much. It makes the morning you wake up to it serene, peaceful, and in a way new.
Although the snow began yesterday while I was at work, it still had this effect on me when I awoke this morning. It felt like all the crazy worries of life had disappeared for a moment. Like everything was simply still and fresh.
It made me think, Christmas is gone and the New Year is right around the corner. Everything is starting anew. Holiday craziness is gone and a fresh start is coming.
Life is just better with a fresh snowfall!
28 December 2009
life and faith
Ever think about life and where yours is in comparison to where you thought it would be?
Recently I do...all the time!
There are quite a few things in relation to this statement that hit me. One: I feel horrible that I am so worried about my life and where it is going, or not going.
I have an awful disgust for the unsatisfied feeling inside of me and my lack of faith in God. It's not that I don't believe he has a plan for my life. I know he is in control and is leading me down a path that is going to bring me someplace amazing. I believe all of that. I know he has plans for my future, and plans to prosper me, and plans to give me a hope and a future.
I don't mean to be discontent, and I'm really not. I just find that my idea of my own life was very different than the reality of it.
Two: The reality of my life in comparison to where I want it to be makes me feel stuck.
Upon graduating from Belmont I thought I was going to succeed. Yes, everyone said that my finding a job would be near impossible. Everything around me screamed go to grad school! Still a small voice within said, "you can do it!" Something inside of me screamed for me to leave the safety net of college and venture into the world of possibility. To be a real adult. Then I got slapped in the face.
What did I expect? Well I thought I would graduate and move closer to my family. Get a great job and find my own apartment. I believed that I would be teaching children theatre and would be finishing up a novel.
What did I get? I am very close to my family. After having moved to their town I can now say I have lived with them for seven and a half months. I did get a job, but it barely pays for my student loan payment every month, and it is simply as a Starbucks Barista. Not that I don't love making coffee and interacting with our regular customers. I love that. I do enjoy my job, but I make about $500 a month, and I have a college degree! As for the children's theatre, well that is actually coming together, but the novel is still far from being completed and needs serious work.
Now most of this looks like complaining. I cannot lie, it is. I hate that. Still this takes me to my third thought. Although my life makes me feel like a bum who can't get a decent paying job. Like a failure who has fallen flat on her face. I have to look over it and realize that none of this is true.
Maybe I didn't graduate and get the perfect job. Maybe I am single and not married, and even more without any prospects. Maybe I do not have my own home, let alone even my own apartment. Maybe I am in debt in student loans and struggling to make enough to pay them off.
Still I have to look at what I do have. I have a family who loves me. For now I get to cherish the time I have with them. After living states away from them for four years I finally get to spend time time with them again. I have a job, and lets face it how many people don't get to say that right now. A lot! I am truly blessed to have any form of income with the economy as it is. I have my Independence. I will never get that back once I get married. these days of being single are a blessing that will fade away once I meet the man of my dreams. I have the ability to pay off my students loans, and my debt will not last forever. Before I know it my loans will be gone.
More than anything I am living in a community full of support. I have exceedingly wonderful friends beside me every step of the way, even if most of them do live in Nashville. I have family that loves me. I have a church that cares and prays for me. I have a theatre community that embraces me. I have a group of women who share my passion for youth arts.
I now come to a new and fourth thought. My life is going somewhere. Even if right now it may not feel that way.
God is turning the wheels and making the path. He is doing things that I simply do not see yet. In weeks, months, and years to come I will look back on this moment and realize that my life isn't any more of a mess than anyone else in this world. God has something incredible planned for me. Sometimes the beginning of the plan might just be a little tough. But to be honest, if it isn't hard, than will it be worthwhile in the end?
Maybe there is a little more faith inside of myself than I think.
Perhaps I just need to invite the faith to grow, to play a larger role in my life.
Recently I do...all the time!
There are quite a few things in relation to this statement that hit me. One: I feel horrible that I am so worried about my life and where it is going, or not going.
I have an awful disgust for the unsatisfied feeling inside of me and my lack of faith in God. It's not that I don't believe he has a plan for my life. I know he is in control and is leading me down a path that is going to bring me someplace amazing. I believe all of that. I know he has plans for my future, and plans to prosper me, and plans to give me a hope and a future.
I don't mean to be discontent, and I'm really not. I just find that my idea of my own life was very different than the reality of it.
Two: The reality of my life in comparison to where I want it to be makes me feel stuck.
Upon graduating from Belmont I thought I was going to succeed. Yes, everyone said that my finding a job would be near impossible. Everything around me screamed go to grad school! Still a small voice within said, "you can do it!" Something inside of me screamed for me to leave the safety net of college and venture into the world of possibility. To be a real adult. Then I got slapped in the face.
What did I expect? Well I thought I would graduate and move closer to my family. Get a great job and find my own apartment. I believed that I would be teaching children theatre and would be finishing up a novel.
What did I get? I am very close to my family. After having moved to their town I can now say I have lived with them for seven and a half months. I did get a job, but it barely pays for my student loan payment every month, and it is simply as a Starbucks Barista. Not that I don't love making coffee and interacting with our regular customers. I love that. I do enjoy my job, but I make about $500 a month, and I have a college degree! As for the children's theatre, well that is actually coming together, but the novel is still far from being completed and needs serious work.
Now most of this looks like complaining. I cannot lie, it is. I hate that. Still this takes me to my third thought. Although my life makes me feel like a bum who can't get a decent paying job. Like a failure who has fallen flat on her face. I have to look over it and realize that none of this is true.
Maybe I didn't graduate and get the perfect job. Maybe I am single and not married, and even more without any prospects. Maybe I do not have my own home, let alone even my own apartment. Maybe I am in debt in student loans and struggling to make enough to pay them off.
Still I have to look at what I do have. I have a family who loves me. For now I get to cherish the time I have with them. After living states away from them for four years I finally get to spend time time with them again. I have a job, and lets face it how many people don't get to say that right now. A lot! I am truly blessed to have any form of income with the economy as it is. I have my Independence. I will never get that back once I get married. these days of being single are a blessing that will fade away once I meet the man of my dreams. I have the ability to pay off my students loans, and my debt will not last forever. Before I know it my loans will be gone.
More than anything I am living in a community full of support. I have exceedingly wonderful friends beside me every step of the way, even if most of them do live in Nashville. I have family that loves me. I have a church that cares and prays for me. I have a theatre community that embraces me. I have a group of women who share my passion for youth arts.
I now come to a new and fourth thought. My life is going somewhere. Even if right now it may not feel that way.
God is turning the wheels and making the path. He is doing things that I simply do not see yet. In weeks, months, and years to come I will look back on this moment and realize that my life isn't any more of a mess than anyone else in this world. God has something incredible planned for me. Sometimes the beginning of the plan might just be a little tough. But to be honest, if it isn't hard, than will it be worthwhile in the end?
Maybe there is a little more faith inside of myself than I think.
Perhaps I just need to invite the faith to grow, to play a larger role in my life.
26 December 2009
Section from "I Fall Into Love"
Spring break was upon me and my friends and the ocean was calling our names. Our trip started off like many do. Bethany and I met Jeff and Erick, two of our friends from school at Erick's house. We all packed up our stuff into Erick's car and headed off to the coast. After a long drive in a cramped car we finally arrived at our hotel and went straight to our room. We were hanging out a bit and Bethany and Jeff were in one bed just chilling when I claimed that I was going to sleep. Erick stated that he was tired as well, and so Erick and I ended up in the other bed.
In the morning none of us wanted to get up so we all decided to sleep in a bit. Erick and I were facing each other and began to cuddle a bit. Which for our company of friends was not really too unusual, but when you are half awake and alone in a bed, even though your best friends are in the bed next to yours, it isn't the best idea. We were cuddling and then he began to stroke my arm so I put my other arm across him and placed my head on his shoulder. I remember being inches way from his face and thinking about how wonderful it felt to be held in someone's arms as I was sleeping. How great it would be if he kissed me. Slowly I felt our faces get closer until my nose was resting on his cheek. I could barely breath. We lay that way for a few minutes and then as I began to think that nothing was going to happen and then lightly and softly his lips met mine. I could not control my heart. There was no way to hide how the kiss had made me feel as my heart rate excelled to a million beats a minute. It was the best kiss I had ever received. Then his lips found mine again. And again. And again. Each kiss lingered a little longer and filled my heart with more warmth. Slowly the kisses faded and we went back to cuddling and then to sleeping and then slowly to our backs facing each other. That morning I was at a loss for words. What was happening? I had no feelings for Erick coming into the trip. I had not considered him at all in that way. Now my heart was soaring. I had never in my life been kissed like the way he had kissed me only an hour or so ago.
As soon as we were all up and getting ready I called my best friend Shari. I was disappointed when I got her answering machine. "You have to call me back as soon as possible. Erick kissed me. It is a long story.. I don't know what happened. Call me back as soon as you get this!" I threw my head back against the wall as I hung up. What was I doing? He was two years younger than me. I wanted my next kiss to be for the man I would marry. Who was I? letting out a giant sigh I knew I had to head back to the room.
Reentering our hotel room I grabbed my clothing bag and took Bethany into the bathroom with me. "We were looking in the mirror at each other and I whispered "Erick kissed me." She looked at me with shocked eyes. "What!?"
"I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out." I confessed. "Ok. What should I wear, the one piece for the two piece?"
"The one piece for sure."
"Ok."
We then went back into the main room and tried to make plans as to what to do for the day. The boys decided that they needed to get some homework done and so Bethany and I spent the day at the pool.
Well once we got settled on white poolside lounge chairs my phone began to ring. I looked to see the caller id flashing Shari's name. Thank God she was returning my call!
"What happened?"
"I don't know. This so isn't me. I'm not even sure what happened."
"Well explained it."
I began speaking at a rapid pace. "Well we slept in the same bed last night… It kind of just happened. I know, it was really stupid, but anyway. Everything was fine. Nothing actually happened last night. It was this morning. We all woke up to the alarm and decided to go back to sleep and we were kind of cuddling and our faces got closer and all of the sudden he was kissing me. I don't know what to do!"
"Do you like him?"
"I don't know. I never thought of him like that before."
"Is he cute?"
"I don't know. I guess. Kind of? I don't know… I don't know how I feel!" I brushed my hair out of my face and plopped down against the back of lounge.
"Do you know how he feels?"
"No. I haven't even talked to him about it. I mean what would I say?"
"I don't know Nikki."
"I'm not even sure how this happened. Do I like him? Could there be something there? I don't know. UGH! I just feel so awkward. Bethany and I are at the pool right now and the guys are upstairs in the hotel room." I let out a loaded sigh, " I never expected this to happen."
"Bethany's there? Tell her hi."
I adjusted the phone and looked over at Bethany. "Shari says hi"
"Awe tell her hi."
I talked back into the phone again, "Bethany says hi back. Ok so what am I going to do?"
"I don't know. Would you date him?"
"I don't know. I don't have feelings for him."
"Could it develop though?"
"Maybe. I guess if he wanted to try I would be open to dating, but I just don't know. I am so confused. I feel like a complete idiot."
"He kissed you…right?"
"Yeah.
"Then it wasn't your fault."
"Well I didn't exactly push him away. I actually kind of tried to pretend I was asleep, but the galloping pace of my heart beat probably betrayed that. Anyways, enough! How are you?'
"Good…" Shari then went on to tell me about a guy she was sort of seeing and then after another thirty minutes we ended our conversation. I put my phone back in my bag and let out a monumentous sigh.
"Bethany what am I going to do?"
"Just breathe honey."
"I feel like I just made things so awkward. I do not want this to ruin the trip. Oh man."
"Give it some time. Talk to him later."
"What am I going to say?"
"Just tell him what you're thinking."
"I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't even know how I feel! Do you think he's talking to Jeff about all this right now?"
"Maybe."
"Do guys do that? It's hot out here."
"Want to go in the pool for a bit?"
"Yeah."
We cooled off for a while in the pool and then dried off in the sun again before returning to our hotel room to change. Then we barrowed Erick's car and went out to lunch at Subway. Unfortunately not talking to Erick about what had happened made me lose my appetite.
"You have to eat." Bethany chided me. So I got half of a sandwich. I ate it, but my stomach still felt weird. I was nervous. Maybe anxious is a better word. The food just went down. I don't remember tasting a single bite. All I wanted was to get away from this moment in my life. I wanted to be anywhere but here.
Once we were done eating we decided to go on a drive to see some of the sites, and called the boys to see if they would want to go. Only Jeff was up for the trip so we picked him up.
We passed buildings and beautiful houses, but I couldn't stop thinking over and over again in my head that Erick and I really needed to talk. I looked at the perfect houses and neighborhoods of this worry free town, but I still felt nervous and sick. On our way back Bethany stated that she still needed to pick up a notebook for her journal she needed to write for class.
"Great idea. I need one too." Jeff piped in.
"I think I am getting a head ache," I lied, "Do you think you can drop me off at the hotel before you go?"
"Sure." Bethany gave me a knowing look.
As soon as I was dropped off at the front of the hotel I made the anxious journey to the hotel room. It seemed like the elevator took forever to arrive and then even longer as it carried me to our floor. That left me with too much time to think and freak out. What was I going to say? Was this even a good idea? What if he already left the room to go somewhere and wasn't there? Finally I arrived on the third floor and trying to gain my own composure walked the long hallway to room 310. All too soon I reached our door, and taking a deep breath I swiped the key and let myself in.
There he was sitting on the closest bed with his computer on his lap. The same bed that had been the cause of our early morning kiss that now left me completely in a world of confusion.
I set down my purse and nervously went to were my blanket and pillow lay on the bed and sat down. "Hey."
"Hey. Where are Bethany and Jeff?'
"They went to get notebooks for class."
'Oh." Then all was silent for what seemed like forever. What should I say next? How do you start a conversation like this? I could start by saying…
"SO… I think we should talk." Did I really just say that out loud?
"I wondered about that."
I guess I just said something after all.
"Yeah," I made a nervous laugh. What did I say? I was so incredibly uncomfortable and suddenly felt like I was shrinking into a tiny eight year old who was too sacred to talk to boys.
"So."
Ok so now it is my turn. Why am I making such a big deal about this? Just keep going! "So … about this morning."
"Yeah I wasn't sure if that happened or if I was dreaming."
"It definitely wasn't a dream."
"Hmm"
"Yep." What was I supposed to say next? Who was this girl? Why couldn't I face things head on? Come on Nicole, you are being so awkward right now. Just say something already! "So did you tell Jeff?" Why did I just ask that!?!
"Yeah while you were in the bathroom with Bethany."
"That's funny I was telling Bethany what had happened." Ok not too bad. So far our best friends knew.
"I thought that might have been what was going on. I told Jeff that I wasn't sure what had happened, but that I thought it probably wasn't a dream." Ok and now I know he definitely isn't interested.
"It would probably be best if we didn't tell anyone else."
"It isn't anyone else business. I agree. There is no reason for anyone else to know."
"Could you imagine what might happen if everyone found out about this? It would cause drama and we don't need that."
"I agree, and like I said it isn't any of their business."
"SO…"
"so."
"I'm not sure what to say. I don't want things to be awkward between us."
"Me either. There is not need for things to be weird." Still I feel awkward. I am such a slut! I don't do this kind of thing!
"It's just kind of a big deal for me. You're only the third person I have ever kissed, and the last guy I kissed I went out with for about two years and that was a year and a half ago." Nicole stop! Why are you spilling your guts to this guy!? OMG word vomit big time!!!!!
"Ok… Wow. "
I began to freak out. I was doing it again. I was being that girl who said too much and pushed guys away. I was freaking out. Ok I had to say something before I completely pushed him away. "I guess I just thought you should know where I was coming from."
"Don't worry about it. "
"Ok. We can be friends then?"
"Yeah." He seemed so nonchalant and at the same time had this sort of dorky nervousness about him that was surprisingly adorable.
"Cool." There was a long pause. Then I had another moment of over sharing. "It was the best kiss I have ever had by the way."
"Uh…Thanks."
We both laughed a bit nervously and then went onto some more home work while we waited for our friends to return. For the first time I actually took a moment to look at Erick. I suddenly felt disappointment that this was all. That was that. I suddenly wanted to know if maybe there could be more there. My thoughts were interrupted by Bethany and Jeff's return from the store. Saved by the best friends…
In the morning none of us wanted to get up so we all decided to sleep in a bit. Erick and I were facing each other and began to cuddle a bit. Which for our company of friends was not really too unusual, but when you are half awake and alone in a bed, even though your best friends are in the bed next to yours, it isn't the best idea. We were cuddling and then he began to stroke my arm so I put my other arm across him and placed my head on his shoulder. I remember being inches way from his face and thinking about how wonderful it felt to be held in someone's arms as I was sleeping. How great it would be if he kissed me. Slowly I felt our faces get closer until my nose was resting on his cheek. I could barely breath. We lay that way for a few minutes and then as I began to think that nothing was going to happen and then lightly and softly his lips met mine. I could not control my heart. There was no way to hide how the kiss had made me feel as my heart rate excelled to a million beats a minute. It was the best kiss I had ever received. Then his lips found mine again. And again. And again. Each kiss lingered a little longer and filled my heart with more warmth. Slowly the kisses faded and we went back to cuddling and then to sleeping and then slowly to our backs facing each other. That morning I was at a loss for words. What was happening? I had no feelings for Erick coming into the trip. I had not considered him at all in that way. Now my heart was soaring. I had never in my life been kissed like the way he had kissed me only an hour or so ago.
As soon as we were all up and getting ready I called my best friend Shari. I was disappointed when I got her answering machine. "You have to call me back as soon as possible. Erick kissed me. It is a long story.. I don't know what happened. Call me back as soon as you get this!" I threw my head back against the wall as I hung up. What was I doing? He was two years younger than me. I wanted my next kiss to be for the man I would marry. Who was I? letting out a giant sigh I knew I had to head back to the room.
Reentering our hotel room I grabbed my clothing bag and took Bethany into the bathroom with me. "We were looking in the mirror at each other and I whispered "Erick kissed me." She looked at me with shocked eyes. "What!?"
"I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out." I confessed. "Ok. What should I wear, the one piece for the two piece?"
"The one piece for sure."
"Ok."
We then went back into the main room and tried to make plans as to what to do for the day. The boys decided that they needed to get some homework done and so Bethany and I spent the day at the pool.
Well once we got settled on white poolside lounge chairs my phone began to ring. I looked to see the caller id flashing Shari's name. Thank God she was returning my call!
"What happened?"
"I don't know. This so isn't me. I'm not even sure what happened."
"Well explained it."
I began speaking at a rapid pace. "Well we slept in the same bed last night… It kind of just happened. I know, it was really stupid, but anyway. Everything was fine. Nothing actually happened last night. It was this morning. We all woke up to the alarm and decided to go back to sleep and we were kind of cuddling and our faces got closer and all of the sudden he was kissing me. I don't know what to do!"
"Do you like him?"
"I don't know. I never thought of him like that before."
"Is he cute?"
"I don't know. I guess. Kind of? I don't know… I don't know how I feel!" I brushed my hair out of my face and plopped down against the back of lounge.
"Do you know how he feels?"
"No. I haven't even talked to him about it. I mean what would I say?"
"I don't know Nikki."
"I'm not even sure how this happened. Do I like him? Could there be something there? I don't know. UGH! I just feel so awkward. Bethany and I are at the pool right now and the guys are upstairs in the hotel room." I let out a loaded sigh, " I never expected this to happen."
"Bethany's there? Tell her hi."
I adjusted the phone and looked over at Bethany. "Shari says hi"
"Awe tell her hi."
I talked back into the phone again, "Bethany says hi back. Ok so what am I going to do?"
"I don't know. Would you date him?"
"I don't know. I don't have feelings for him."
"Could it develop though?"
"Maybe. I guess if he wanted to try I would be open to dating, but I just don't know. I am so confused. I feel like a complete idiot."
"He kissed you…right?"
"Yeah.
"Then it wasn't your fault."
"Well I didn't exactly push him away. I actually kind of tried to pretend I was asleep, but the galloping pace of my heart beat probably betrayed that. Anyways, enough! How are you?'
"Good…" Shari then went on to tell me about a guy she was sort of seeing and then after another thirty minutes we ended our conversation. I put my phone back in my bag and let out a monumentous sigh.
"Bethany what am I going to do?"
"Just breathe honey."
"I feel like I just made things so awkward. I do not want this to ruin the trip. Oh man."
"Give it some time. Talk to him later."
"What am I going to say?"
"Just tell him what you're thinking."
"I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't even know how I feel! Do you think he's talking to Jeff about all this right now?"
"Maybe."
"Do guys do that? It's hot out here."
"Want to go in the pool for a bit?"
"Yeah."
We cooled off for a while in the pool and then dried off in the sun again before returning to our hotel room to change. Then we barrowed Erick's car and went out to lunch at Subway. Unfortunately not talking to Erick about what had happened made me lose my appetite.
"You have to eat." Bethany chided me. So I got half of a sandwich. I ate it, but my stomach still felt weird. I was nervous. Maybe anxious is a better word. The food just went down. I don't remember tasting a single bite. All I wanted was to get away from this moment in my life. I wanted to be anywhere but here.
Once we were done eating we decided to go on a drive to see some of the sites, and called the boys to see if they would want to go. Only Jeff was up for the trip so we picked him up.
We passed buildings and beautiful houses, but I couldn't stop thinking over and over again in my head that Erick and I really needed to talk. I looked at the perfect houses and neighborhoods of this worry free town, but I still felt nervous and sick. On our way back Bethany stated that she still needed to pick up a notebook for her journal she needed to write for class.
"Great idea. I need one too." Jeff piped in.
"I think I am getting a head ache," I lied, "Do you think you can drop me off at the hotel before you go?"
"Sure." Bethany gave me a knowing look.
As soon as I was dropped off at the front of the hotel I made the anxious journey to the hotel room. It seemed like the elevator took forever to arrive and then even longer as it carried me to our floor. That left me with too much time to think and freak out. What was I going to say? Was this even a good idea? What if he already left the room to go somewhere and wasn't there? Finally I arrived on the third floor and trying to gain my own composure walked the long hallway to room 310. All too soon I reached our door, and taking a deep breath I swiped the key and let myself in.
There he was sitting on the closest bed with his computer on his lap. The same bed that had been the cause of our early morning kiss that now left me completely in a world of confusion.
I set down my purse and nervously went to were my blanket and pillow lay on the bed and sat down. "Hey."
"Hey. Where are Bethany and Jeff?'
"They went to get notebooks for class."
'Oh." Then all was silent for what seemed like forever. What should I say next? How do you start a conversation like this? I could start by saying…
"SO… I think we should talk." Did I really just say that out loud?
"I wondered about that."
I guess I just said something after all.
"Yeah," I made a nervous laugh. What did I say? I was so incredibly uncomfortable and suddenly felt like I was shrinking into a tiny eight year old who was too sacred to talk to boys.
"So."
Ok so now it is my turn. Why am I making such a big deal about this? Just keep going! "So … about this morning."
"Yeah I wasn't sure if that happened or if I was dreaming."
"It definitely wasn't a dream."
"Hmm"
"Yep." What was I supposed to say next? Who was this girl? Why couldn't I face things head on? Come on Nicole, you are being so awkward right now. Just say something already! "So did you tell Jeff?" Why did I just ask that!?!
"Yeah while you were in the bathroom with Bethany."
"That's funny I was telling Bethany what had happened." Ok not too bad. So far our best friends knew.
"I thought that might have been what was going on. I told Jeff that I wasn't sure what had happened, but that I thought it probably wasn't a dream." Ok and now I know he definitely isn't interested.
"It would probably be best if we didn't tell anyone else."
"It isn't anyone else business. I agree. There is no reason for anyone else to know."
"Could you imagine what might happen if everyone found out about this? It would cause drama and we don't need that."
"I agree, and like I said it isn't any of their business."
"SO…"
"so."
"I'm not sure what to say. I don't want things to be awkward between us."
"Me either. There is not need for things to be weird." Still I feel awkward. I am such a slut! I don't do this kind of thing!
"It's just kind of a big deal for me. You're only the third person I have ever kissed, and the last guy I kissed I went out with for about two years and that was a year and a half ago." Nicole stop! Why are you spilling your guts to this guy!? OMG word vomit big time!!!!!
"Ok… Wow. "
I began to freak out. I was doing it again. I was being that girl who said too much and pushed guys away. I was freaking out. Ok I had to say something before I completely pushed him away. "I guess I just thought you should know where I was coming from."
"Don't worry about it. "
"Ok. We can be friends then?"
"Yeah." He seemed so nonchalant and at the same time had this sort of dorky nervousness about him that was surprisingly adorable.
"Cool." There was a long pause. Then I had another moment of over sharing. "It was the best kiss I have ever had by the way."
"Uh…Thanks."
We both laughed a bit nervously and then went onto some more home work while we waited for our friends to return. For the first time I actually took a moment to look at Erick. I suddenly felt disappointment that this was all. That was that. I suddenly wanted to know if maybe there could be more there. My thoughts were interrupted by Bethany and Jeff's return from the store. Saved by the best friends…
Annie Oakley - the girl "with the rain drops in her eyes"
So a new adventure in theatre has begun for me as an actress. I have been cast as Annie Oakley in the musical "Annie Get Your Gun." So as a result I have begun the journey of research into the lives of Annie Oakley and Frank Butler
What has been most captivating though is not the sharp shooting, and Wild West Show stories, but the story of their love.
Frank Butler met Annie Oakley for the first time as Annie walked out for a shooting match against him in Cincinnati Ohio.
Some say that she was merely 15 years old while others claim she was 20. In either case Frank was ten years her elder and was shocked when she appeared.
"I was a beaten man the moment she appeared for I was taken off guard... Never were the birds so hard for two shooters as they flew from us, but never did a person make more impossible shots than did that little girl. She killed 23 and I killed 21. It was her first big match-my first defeat." said Frank Butler
After the match Frank invited Annie to see one of his shows and she went. Frank performed a trick where he shot an apple off his poodles head. The poodles name was George. After the act George picked up a piece of apple and laid it at Annie's feet. It then so happened that George became the easiest way for Frank to court Annie. George would send Annie letters and boxes of candy. One of the letters Frank sent via George was called "Little Raindrops"
What has been most captivating though is not the sharp shooting, and Wild West Show stories, but the story of their love.
Frank Butler met Annie Oakley for the first time as Annie walked out for a shooting match against him in Cincinnati Ohio.
Some say that she was merely 15 years old while others claim she was 20. In either case Frank was ten years her elder and was shocked when she appeared.
"I was a beaten man the moment she appeared for I was taken off guard... Never were the birds so hard for two shooters as they flew from us, but never did a person make more impossible shots than did that little girl. She killed 23 and I killed 21. It was her first big match-my first defeat." said Frank Butler
After the match Frank invited Annie to see one of his shows and she went. Frank performed a trick where he shot an apple off his poodles head. The poodles name was George. After the act George picked up a piece of apple and laid it at Annie's feet. It then so happened that George became the easiest way for Frank to court Annie. George would send Annie letters and boxes of candy. One of the letters Frank sent via George was called "Little Raindrops"
There's a charming little girl
She's many miles from here
She's a loving little fairy
You'd fall in love to see her
Her presence would remind you
Of an Angel in the skies,
And you bet I love this little girl
with the rain drops in her eyes.
I love this story. The poem especially I cannot get out of my head. I think what appeals to me the most about it is the love and beauty that is expressed in his idea of who she is.
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